Birthday

What is Birthday?

celebration? party? cakes? candles? presents? wishes? laughter and crazy?

no. none of them suits what I have these years

birthday doesn't give me special meaning after my 12th

nope, no celebration, no party, no cake, no presents, no wishes

or erm, some, a few will send me a happy-birthday-sms

and recent years is worst

I can count those wishes within one hand, 5 fingers

same goes to the thing called present

I even bought present and a piece of cake for myself 

using my own money, eating that piece of cake alone. lol

I envy, I jealous when I saw people celebrating their birthdays

with their friends and family, happily

and my mood always goes down

I always wish that someone would give me a surprise party

I always wish that I will have many presents

I always wish that I can have my birthday smiling, laughing

but it always turn out as if it is a normal day

like the days I have everyday

I started not to go to other people's birthday party

cause it will make me feel sad inside

cause I don't have such celebration

I won't enjoy even if I go, I can't smile from my heart

it no longer mean anything special to me...